- You stupid, sadistic, abusive, fucking... - Fuck me harder.
OK, here's a good one. Top ten ingredients to a successful relationship.
I'm gonna skip to the top three.
Number three. "He listens to me."
Number two. "He tells me he loves me."
And number one.
It's trust. Number one is trust.
Holy shit.
He got him.
- So, who do we have next? - Er...
Yeah. Burt Reynolds.
Tell him to get Burt Reynolds.
- My goodness. - Man, he's good.
It barely even looked like him.
Oh, oh... er...
- Rosie O'Donnell. Tell him Rosie. - Yeah, Rosie.
Nah, too easy. Give him something hard.
You guys had rough childhoods? A little bit rocky?
Hey, sweetheart, let me tell you something.
You have my permission - if I ever turn into one of those things,
blow my fucking head off.
Oh, yeah, you can count on that.
I guess the first time I knew I was gay I was 13.
This guy,
Todd,
he was building a deck in our backyard...
OK! Just, please, stop.
He had the most astonishing blue eyes.
Oh, my God! I'm in hell.
How's Luda doing?
She's fine. Hey, where's that lemon stuff?
It's all gone. Steve likes to put it in his booze.
Try the vanilla stuff.
All right.
I'd like to check on her, see how she's doing.
No, thanks. She's fine.
- You sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.
It's OK, hon. We understand.
Thanks.
And before that, I worked in a stationery store.
And I drove a snowplow. Fixed copiers.
It's a shame this whole end-of-the-world thing's holding you back.
OK, worst job.
I know which job I was the worst at - it was being a husband.
- That's not a job. - It sure is.
You guys just haven't met the right girl.
I tried it three times and...
I got pink slips every time.
What were you best at?
Being a dad.
I think I was best at that.
Calm down.
Are they in? No. Are there generators?
Shh. OK, shh.
Shhh... It's all right, baby.
Baby, please. You got to be quiet, OK?
It's gonna be all right. Our baby is on the way. It's coming.
That's it.
It's in employee parking level 3. They're in a pen near the parking shuttles.
- Have fun. - Wait a minute. You're coming too.
No, I'm not. I said I'd tell you where the generators are, not show you.
Did you think I'd just leave you two up here? You come with me or go back in the cell.
All right.
I ain't going anywhere without a gun.
- You're not getting a gun. - Trust.
The primary ingredient in any relationship.
Have at 'em, cowboy.
Asshole.
Bart, get the chains.
- You ready to roll? - You're coming with us?
No, you're coming with me.
I've done this before.
Know how to use that?
This one's the dangerous end, right?
Now it is.
This is level 1. We gotta walk down to 3.
What the fuck was that? I just saw something.
You didn't see shit. Shut the fuck up.
Oh, shit. Here it comes.
Jesus Christ.
It's a fucking dog.
Come here, boy.
Nothing's here or it would've eaten him.
See? I told you I saw something.
- What's wrong, boy? - There's nothing wrong.
That dog's just fucked up.
Run!
Wait, CJ! Wait up! Wait!
It's locked! It's fucking locked!
Come on, let's go!
CJ!
I'm out!
CJ! Matches!
Breathe. You're doing good. Breathe.
You're doing good, baby.
I'm sorry.
- Thanks. - OK. That's the last.
I'm gonna go check on Luda.
- I'll go. - You sure?
- Yeah. I'll take them some candles. - OK.
- Let me know if they need anything. - I'll have a smoke on the way.
- See you. - Bye.
It's coming.
I see it.
Guys?
Oh, my God.
It's a girl.
Oh...
You want to kill Luda?
You want to kill my family?
Normal Come on, Norma.
What happened?
The son of a bitch shot me.
- Get away from her. - Wait. Just wait.
She died of the gunshot.
She wasn't bitten.
But she'll wake up, right?
No.
No, if she was one of them, she'd be up by now.
- Terry? - Yeah.
Hold this.
Oh, God.
- Somebody should say something. - Yeah.
Glen?
No.
You worked in the church.
I played the organ.
You must have heard the priest say something about life and death.
It was a job. I don't believe in God.
I don't see how anyone could.
Somebody should say something.
There's nothing to say.
I've been to a lot of funerals.
I've folded the flag and given it to a lot of wives and fathers and kids
and told them how sorry I was.
But that's not what I was really feeling.
In the back of my mind, I was always saying, "Better them than me."
But I don't believe that now.
Now I realize there are some things worse than death
and one of them is sitting here waiting to die.
I don't want to die here.
I saw a couple of buses in the garage.
We could reinforce them, then get as far from here as possible.
- And then what? - I have an idea. Um...
Why don't we swing by the marina
and hop in my boat and take it for a pleasure cruise, you jackasses.
Wait. There's islands in the lakes, there's not a lot of people on them.
I was kidding.
- How far is the marina? - Oh, my God!
- You're serious? - I think it's a damn good idea.
How about the rest of you?
- Kenneth? - Yeah, it's a good idea.
We have to pick up Andy. He's part of the group.
Excuse me. Not to shit on anyone's riff but let me see if I grasp this concept.
You're saying we take the parking shuttles, reinforce them with aluminum siding
and then head to the gun store
where our friend Andy plays some cowboy-movie, jump-on-the-wagon bullshit.
Then we drive across a ruined city through thousands of dead cannibals,
all so we can sail off into the sunset on this fucking asshole's boat?
And head for some island which may not even exist?
- Yeah. - Pretty much, yeah.
Yeah.
OK.
I'm in.
We have 12 of these shotgun shells, 26 of those pussy .9-mils,
and 16 of the .357 Magnums.
Yeah? That's still not very much,
so hopefully there won't be too many of them at the dock.
Nice to see you busting your ass.
Oh, that's sarcasm. That is awesome.
You know, I would love to help but, er,
a captain never works alongside his men.
You guys have a good 'un.
What a total dick.
Guys, where did Chips go?
- Chips? - I can't find him. Chips? Come on, Chips!
- "Come on, Chips!" - Where'd you go, honey?
There you are. There's my boy.
Don't you ever leave me again, OK? Ever, ever.
Hey. Kenneth wants a meeting upstairs.
Come in here first. I want you to see this.
When those things are on the side of the bus, this'll get them off.
Cool, huh?
Wow.
That might be the most romantic thing anyone's ever shown me.
I'm trying here.
Yeah, I know.
It's not just about him starving.
If we pick him up and he doesn't have his strength, we'll be carrying him.
She's right. He's a hell of a shot. We need him.
- I'm not saying we don't. - There's no point in arguing.
We need to get some food over there.
I know. We draw straws and the loser runs across the lot with a ham sandwich.
- Could you be a bigger prick? - Yes, but that's irrelevant.
My question is, what's your plan?
Come on!
I got it.
- Shut up! - ...more ammunition.
I have an idea.
- It's hurting him! It's not safe! - They're not interested in him.
They want us, OK? Chips is gonna be fine.
See? Look, they're not even paying attention to him.
The walkie's in the bag? Yeah.
Let me see. Let me see!
There he is.
Good boy. Good boy, Chips.
- OK, he's there, he's in. - Give me those.
Oh, man.
- What? What? - No.
No. Oh, man. They got him. They got him!
I'll try him on the radio. Andy. Andy, do you copy?
Andy, can you hear me?
Andy?
'Can you hear me? Hello? This thing working?
'I'm dinged up pretty bad but I think I'll be OK.'
- Where are you hurt? - 'Goddamn, those bastards bite hard.
'I just have to stop the bleeding. It's really going.'
'Easy, boy. Easy. Is this Ken?
'Is that you, man?'
- Yeah, it's me, brother. - 'Hey, man, good to hear your voice.
'I guess we'll meet up-close pretty soon.
'Shit, hang on.
'Ah, Jesus. He got me good.'
You just hang in there. You got the food, right?
- 'Yeah.' - Do we tell him?
'Hey, this dog got a name?'
See, Nicole, Chips... Nicole?
- What the hell's that? - Oh, my God, it's Nicole!
Shit.
That idiot's going after the fucking dog.
She made it! She's in!
'Guys, I found Chips! I got him. He's OK!'
Nicole, how's Andy looking?
'I don't know. There's a lot of blood in here. There's blood everywhere.'
Wait, I see him. He's on the roof.
- He's writing something. - What's it say?
'Guys?'
- Tell her to get out! - What's wrong?
- Nicole, how's the truck? - 'I'm not going back out there.'
'Chips, be quiet!'
Tell her to get the hell out!
- You need to hide. Can you do that? - 'What do you mean? What's going on?'
- Nicole? - 'Here's Andy.
- 'Oh, my God!' - Tell her to get out!
Nicole, listen to me.
'I'm in a closet but he's outside trying to get...'
Nicole? Nicole?
'Help me. Please, you have to help me! I'm gonna die!'
We need to do something. Now.
Tucker, when we come back we may have company.
Stay here and make sure this door stays open.
Wait, wait. I'm sorry. Why does he stay here
while I go on the suicide mission to rescue Terry's already dead girlfriend?
- Fuck you. - We don't know that.
Either way, we need the guns to get out of this parking lot.
- Michael, it's OK. Let him stay. - Yeah.
- Steve, don't fuck this up. - Yeah. Totally.
- All right. That's it. - Are you sure?
I'd say we're at the end of the line.
Go! Go!
- Through here! - Hurry up!
Hurry up, hurry.
.357... 357. What do you need? .38... 38.
- Here. - Damn it.
Hurry up.
All right.
Oh, shit.
Nicole?
Andy.
I'm sorry, brother.
- Nicole, are you in there? - I'm here, I'm here!
Get as much ammo as you can.
- You got a plan? - Uh-uh. You?
How about a barbecue?
How do we know if he hits it?
CJ! Over here, hurry up!
Over here!
Go! Get down! Look out!
Come on, Tucker!
Shit!
- Ah, my leg! - I got you, Tucker.
Go! Go!
Shit!
Go!
Shoot me! Shoot me!
Hurry! Come on!
Hurry, hurry!
Goddamn Steve Markus!
- Steve, come on! - Open up!
- Open the door! Open the door! - Steve!
- I'll fucking kill him! - Open the door.
Steve!
Let's go.
Goddammit!
Move!
- Go! - Move it, guys, move it!
- Where are you going? - Just go right now!
Go! Go!
- They're right behind us! - Go!
Come on, move! They're right behind us!
Get in!
Close the door!
I like this song.
- Everybody in! - What the hell happened to you guys?
- Prick. - I'll deal with you later, motherfucker!
- Wait a minute! Nicole! - Get in!
I'll take the gun. OK.
OK, let's get out of here!
Hold on!
Oh, Christ!
CJ, now! Go!
They're trying to turn us over! Hit 'em with the saw!
Give me a shotgun!
Holy shit.
There's still one hanging on.
- Which fucking side? - Right side!
- I got him. - You gotta drive faster, man.
Hard left here!
Whoa, stop! Stop, guys.
- What? - We lost them.
Back it up!
Kenneth, are you there?
'Kenneth, are you there?
'Kenneth, are you OK?'
What the fuck?
- What are you doing? - Fucking nursery school.
CJ!
Ana, no! Everyone's dead.
- Steve took off. - What?
Let's go! Come on!
Steve!
I got him.
Damn.
Look out!
Come on, come on!
Go, go, go!
- Open the door! Hurry up! - Come on!
Guys, get in!
Let's go.
Where's Ana? Anal
Anal
Get in.
What the hell were you doing?
Hold on!
Come on, boy.
Kenneth. Here. Get out on the end of the dock.
- CJ, come on. - Do it! I'll catch up.
- There it is! - Terry, get the bowline!
Shit.
CJ!
Damn! Fuck!
Come on!
Bitch! Shit.
Come on.
I'll blow every fucking thing up.
OK, let's go, let's go.
- I can't go. - What?
- Downtown when they jumped on us. - Oh, no, Michael. No.
- I have to stay here. - You can't. No, you...
- I'm sorry, Ana. - I can help you.
No, you can't. You can help them.
Stay on the boat.
I can help you.
It's OK. It's gonna be all right.
No.
- It won't. - Hey.
It will.
You sure you wanna do this?
Yeah. I think I'll just stay here a while.
Enjoy the sunrise.
'I run a tight ship.'
- 'Where did you get that?' - 'I found Steve's camera.'
'Put that down and help us.'
'Ah! Kenneth, fucking shoot it!'
'Christ!'
'Oh, shit!'
'Get your damn camera out my face.'
'...if there's anyone there.'
'Terry, put the camera down and help us off the boat.'
'Nicole, what is it?'
'Chips, no!'
'Oh, shit!'
'Stay behind me.'